Potty Break!!

I've always had a small bladder, I would go to the bathroom all the time at night. I never thought it could get any worse! Boy was I wrong! In a 24 hour period I probably use the bathroom 20 times. Sometimes I have the urge to pee and I don't do much & other times I don't feel a thing until I stand up and then I am about to pee my pants!!

I don't really mind the bathroom trips when I am home ( except in the night bc I really want to sleep!) my bathroom is on the same floor as the bedroom and front room so I am not having to go up and down stairs all day long. I have joked with my husband that I am going to put a bucket by the bed and just pee in there until I have the baby ( it may sound gross, but I am very close to doing it) Every time I lay down I have to get right back up again to pee. Its kind of like "breaking the seal". I was always the one who got drunk the fastest and broke the seal the quickest. It was a curse!

What I hate more than anything is when I am in public and I need to use the bathroom. I have always hated using public restrooms and I used to hold it as long as I could till I got home. I am a public toilet seat hovering weirdo! I love the potty protectors, but most places quit carrying them. I haven't done so well with the hovering process since I have to hover with an extra 50 pounds now! I hate thinking about who's ass was on the toilet seat before mine! Now that I use the bathroom in public a thousand times more than before I am coming in contact with alot of asses in one day!

I am usually pretty quick, but it still feels like an ass hand shake. I have to do it, its quick, painless, but you cant help but wonder where that hand has been! I would give anything to have a catheter in at all times. Just to help me enjoy this pregnancy a little more. As I have said in previous posts. I am at my breaking point and the annoyance has begun. I am a hormonal, complaining, Wendy whiner( as my husband likes to call me). I am so ready for this little guy to make his debut into the world. I know its not safe and he will come out when he is ready blah blah blah. I am just tired of carrying him around in my belly! I have forgotten whats its like to breath and to be comfortable.

Something else I would like to add- Tim and I were sitting on the couch watching TV last night. I saw him get up right when I did. It was obvious that it was time for another potty break and I knew he was thinking the same thing in his head. So was he kind and let his 8 month pregnant wife who can't hold her pee in go first? NO!! He ran to the bathroom as fast as he could so that he could go first! How wrong is that? Sure it was a little funny, but that just shows you I get no mercy around here from him. If he does that little stunt again I wont be so nice! He did rub my back for like 3 minutes last night though. It may have been longer, but he it was possibly the worst back rub of my life. He said it was a "deep tissue massage" I know he was thinking that if he sucked I would tell him to stop. Oh that husband of mine! He thinks hes so clever!

So here's to 6 more weeks of ass hand shakes! Lets just pray I don't catch something that could harm the baby.

Shannan

I am finally under the 50 day mark of my pregnancy, actually i'm close to being under the 40 day mark. I couldnt be happier. I am so excited to see if Carson looks more like me or his daddy, if he has blonde or brown hair and what color his eyes will be!! I am ready to be a mom and experience all the sleepless nights! To be honest I am so over being pregnant! I have been pregnant for so long and I am now getting to the miserable stage. I am very emotional and sick of feeling so tired and out of breath. I am beyond lazy right now and I hate it! I want to clean like crazy and organize the house, but I have no energy to do it. I cant even get the strength to run to walmart to get more apple juice ( my new obsession). So I thought it would be cool to see who has more rough than we do when it comes to pregnancy. I know some animals are pregnant for a very long time!



African Elephant- 640 days!! -I would adopt
Giraffe-425 days
Camel-406 days
Seal- 350 days

I guess these are all very big animals and they need all the time they can get, but thats crazy!! I would lose my mind. I am already going crazy!

I also looked up the lucky ones....

Opossum- 13 days
Hamster- 16 days
Rats and Mouse- 21 days
Rabbit- 32 days

I am pretty jealous! I am sure that every woman goes through the depression stage at the end of there pregnancy. Its hard to carry around all this weight and give up your regular activities for 9 months!!


Hurry up Carson!!

Shannan

Renaming Pregnancy Terms

The last 8 months I have been trying to educate myself on my pregnancy and labor itself. I have read a ton of books and researched just about everything there is to know! Now that I am nearing the end of my pregnancy my books have become a little more detailed and somewhat gross. I have learned some new terms that I would have preferred never learning or hearing! The scariest part about learning these new terms is the fact that it will most likely happen to me! So for the sake of the last month in a half of my pregnancy I will be renaming them. I know Tim would appreciate this!!





Gross Pregnancy Term to ban #1



The Bloody Show



This term really freaked me out! I hate the sight of blood and thinking of having a "Bloody Show" terrifies me! Now if you have no clue what the bloody show is I can explain a little, but if you want the proper explanation then google it. It is suppose to be a small amount of blood that comes out of the vagina and is a sign that labor is going to start soon. The reason this happen is for the vagina to change shape and make room for the mucous plug to fall out ( I will get to that later). Now when they say "small amount" I am wondering how small of an amount we are talking here. It couldn't be that small if its considered a show!



If I wanted to see a bloody show I would rent a scary movie! When I think of the "bloody show" I imagine a pool of blood and I see Tim screaming and running for gloves, towels, buckets and mops. So I decided to rename this lovely term to "Red Light" Because you have to stop at the red light and be cautious before you proceed. I would much rather yell " Tim I think we have a red light, lets call the Dr."





Gross Pregnancy Term to Ban #2







The Mucous Plug




I have had some pretty gross mental pictures of this so called Mucous plug and it makes me gag everytime! So after the "Red Light" occurs the mucous plug will just fall out I guess and then there is nothing stopping the baby from making his way down the hole.



I get a really disgusting mental picture when I think of this mucous plug I imagine getting out of the shower and just seeing this bloody green ball of slime just plop out of my vagina and kind of jump around the house. Like Flubber (remember that Robin Williams movie?) except with the blood. I then see Tim chasing the plug around the house until he finally is able to get it out the door! Yes I imagine my mucous plug to unplug itself and run away! I know I have a great imagination.



So I have renamed this to be called "The Internal Cork" bc when I think of a cork I see wine,champagne and think of party's and celebrations! It wont sound so gross when I yell "Tim, my internal cork just popped, lets get this party started!!"





Gross Pregnancy Term to Ban #3



Lightening crotch



Now I am not sure if anyone has experienced this, I have already had the pleasure and it really feels uncomfortable. I would describe it as an electrocuting feeling in the crotch area. I am not really sure why we get this. I have heard that it is your body preparing for the baby to come out. I don't really go around saying "ouch that darn lightening crotch" I do however say "damn my vagina hurts!" I know that if I would use the term tim would get the mental imagine of my vagina being hooked up to jumper cables that are attached to a car battery. You get the idea. Nobody likes to think of there private parts being tortured like that.



So from now on I will call this "Pregnant Tingles" even though it hurts It sounds like a pleasant thing. When I tell Tim I am getting the pregnant tingles again I can imagine him saying "Oh boy pregnant tingles, that's just another sign baby Carson is on his way!"



Pregnant tingles sounds very happy. I like happy terms! So throughout my pregnancy I will use the happy terms and try to forget that even though I changed the terms to something a little less gross they will probably still be gross and there is nothing I can do about it!!



My due date keeps getting closer by the minute and we are really getting the ball rolling on all the last minute things to do before Carson is here! So I will be pretty busy the next couple weeks! Sitting on the couch telling Tim what to do is exhausting!

Shannan

Crazy inventions....

I have been on pins and needles lately and I my crabby attitude is getting on my own nerves! I know the only reason I am being such a cranky bitch is bc I am 32 weeks pregnant, its hot, I am cooped up in the house, I hurt everywhere and I am ready to deliver this baby! I have been pregnant for what seems like 5 years now.

Carson has been very active lately, which is a good thing but I am starting to think I am carrying David Beckhams love child or this little boy is practicing for his debut on so you think you can dance. He is always kicking me and moving all over the place. Sometimes it feels like he will rip through my stomach like that scene from alien. I still have 8 weeks till my due date so I hope the sweet loving Shannan comes back before the end or my husband might never want another child with me again!

I havent even been doing the fun things like nesting yet. I am getting a little more cranky about things not being in there place around the house but other than that I am as lazy as ever. I have been coming across some pretty funny things lately for babys. One thing that has been driving my husband and I insane is how much hair will the baby have and what color will it be. I have dark brown hair and my hubby has bleach blonde curly hair as a baby. We do know that Carson has some hair (thanks to the amazing ultrasound we had a couple weeks ago). If our little one doesnt have a enough hair I found the perfect solution!!

Its a Baby Toupee ( I am not joking someone actually invented it and even worse people buy it!)
Your child can have that celebrity style hairdo as soon as him/her is born!

My personal favorite would have to be the Donald. I think it would make any little boy look smart and maybe it would bring him luck in becoming a millionaire! You never know!

For all you parents who hate being pee'd on heres ya go!

Its called the wee-block!

The Baby Mac!

This is an asian invnetion and I assume its intended to keep baby in place and make you very hungry!

Another asian inventions

The baby onesie mop!

I found a ton more crazy inventions but these were by far my favorite ones! I am going to start racking my brain and invent something on my own! I will let you know how that goes!

Shannan

Breastfeeding=The Best Feeding!

Everyone keeps asking me if I am getting scared about giving birth. I would lie if I said I wasn't nervous, but I am not really scared. I just want it to be over with already. I have prepared myself for labor for 8 months now and know all the things that could happen during the process.

So am I afraid of the pain I will have during labor? No I expect it

Am I afraid of being sleep deprived? No pregnancy has gotten me used to that one

Am I overwhelmed by the whole breastfeeding process and terrified I will starve my child? More than you will ever know!!!!


I have always wanted to breastfeed. It's one thing that nobody could talk me out of. Not that alot of people would want to talk me out of it, but there are alot of people in my family that think if they cant handle it maybe I cant. I dont like negativity especially on subject like this. For me its the only option there is. I would do anything that is healthy for my baby and breastfeeding is by far the healthiest choice for baby and me.

I have talked to friends and family about wanting to breastfeed and theres always mixed emotions. ( Which I could care less) I know breastfeeding is not a sure thing and theres always the possibility that you wont be able to go through with it. As I mentioned in earlier posts I have had implants and even though my dr did everything he could to make it so the implants would not interfere with the natural process, you cant always be 100% sure on that! So I am being completely honest when I say I am scared shitless when it comes down to it! I have worried more about this than anything else when it comes to the baby.

I have a list of reasons why I am so scared. The #1 reason being that I am deathly afraid that my little boy wont get enough to eat and I will be starving him! #2 even though I have told people I dont care about the pain (I truly dont I will do it no matter what) I am scared that my nipples will fall off from all the sucking and dryness that I have heard can occur!
Woman love to share there horror stories and I have heard them all. They all think just bc they couldn't handle it then I wont be able to handle it. Like I said when it comes to the health of my child I am no pansy and I will overcome the pain my nips will have to go through.

I have heard tons of stories and I am so tired of it! I try to listen with a smile but you can only fake being happy for so long and my hormones are just too strong to fight. I just recently bought "What to Expect the First Year" it has a chapter on what you can do to prepare yourself for breastfeeding. I read the first 5 pages and decided I didn't need a crash course and it should come naturally. Why you ask? Well the first 5 pages were about " Toughening up your nipples" and " the cons of breastfeeding". I understand there is a chance that my boobs will look like cracked worn out prunes ( that's what I see in my head anyways), but there is no way in hell I am going to scrub my nipples with a hard loofah everyday until they start to bleed! NO WAY! I dont even let my husband play with them in a rough manner.

Its bad enough that my belly will be saggy with stretch marks and my whole body gigantic so why do I want to ruin the last sexy thing I have left! I want my boobs to at least be decent after I breast feed!

I guess I should be too afraid of all this. Even if he doesn't latch on and there is problems I will still pump and he will get the proper nutrients he needs. Also I am so excited that a woman will burn 500 calories each time she breastfeeds for 20 minutes!! I am dying to be skinny again so I will do anything and this is something that benefits both baby and me! You cant beast that. My book says you should be feeding 8-10 times a day so that means I should burn anywhere from 4000 to 5000 calories in one day!! That without any exercise no imagine how many calories I will burn when I start going to the gym again! I am so happy about this! I have heard breastfeeding is the best diet you can be on, but I didn't know it was that good. I need to burn as many calories as I can after he is born!!

Shannan

Being reborn

My pregnancy is going pretty fast, but not as fast as I would like it to go. I have been reading alot of poems and different articles here and there on becoming a mommy. I found this one and I have to say it is a real tearjerker! I have been telling myself over and over again for the past 8 months that I will be changing. I am trying to prepare for how much I change. I know it will be a good thing. This is a quote of a book I had read and I love how she says that you will be reborn. That is the best way to describe what becoming a mommy is like. So I leave you with the quote that has had me in tears all day long! Tears of happiness that it!

“When it is time for your very first snuggle with your very own baby - savor the moment. It’s one of the most magical moments you’ll ever know and once it passes, it’s gone, never to be duplicated.

You may be weary and shaking or wired and floating as you gaze for the first time into the eyes of this tiny stranger whose heart has been beating in concert with your own for the past nine months.

Your baby knows you, your voice, your smell, and wants nothing more than to be cradled close in your arms, held snugly to your breast. Lying with your newborn, there is no pressure to perform, no words to be said, no expectations to be fulfilled. For this little while, this too-brief moment, you can finally rest and allow yourself to simply be.

The person you were, the woman who didn’t know her own strength and doubted her capacity for love is slipping away now, though it may be a while before you truly believe that she’s gone. Try to catch her eye as she leaves, and thank her for taking you this far. Everything you’d dreamed and all that you feared is behind you–and in front of you.

You’re a mommy for real now. You’re a warrior. And this is what it means to be reborn.”

-Sheri Lynch (Hello, My Name Is Mommy)"

20 shocking facts....

Maybe I missed the memo that the Pregnant Fairy left on my pillow the night Tim impregnated me. Some people say you have to experience it to believe it. I guess this is the time that saying is 100% true! I never would have believed the kinds of things that would be happening to me if I wouldn't have gone through them. Since I am nearing the end of my pregnancy I thought it would be fun to just go over the most shocking 20 things that have happened to me in the 31 weeks I have been pregnant.

Remember that in my profile I said this was an uncensored blog. I wasn't lying. I just finally found the things I would talk about that I would make uncensored! So here we go


1. I am constantly peeing and I am pretty sure I have peed my pants a couple times in the 31 weeks i've been pregnant. Sometimes I cant even tell if I have to pee and when I laugh to hard I kind of just "leak out". I am not ashamed bc there is really nothing I can do about it and I am sure that I will do it again before my 9 weeks are up! ( for everyone that hasn't experienced pregnancy before don't worry bc this is something that just started recently and I am pretty sure its just bc my little boy is sitting right on my bladder just kicking away. There may be hope for you to keep your panties dry!)

2. Sex....whats that again? Sex happens around here almost as much as someone wins the lottery. It doesn't happen very often that's for sure! I wish that I could say that we have hot, steamy, sexy, passionate sex every single night, but that would be a huge lie.

3.Laziness has become my middle name. But so has sleep, nap, do-nothing, relax, and chill out.

4.Most maternity clothes are as flattering as me wearing a Snuggie everywhere I go. ( I understand theres alot of cute clothes out there, but I have a baby to spend money on so my wardrobe is lacking)

5.I have pimples everywhere. They only come out when its time for me to finally get out of the house and when they do its like I am 15 years old again! I have pimples on my chest, back, face, neck. I probably have them on my butt cheeks but I cant see to even notice if I do or not.

6.I have noticed that my pretty pink nipples now resemble pepperoni slices. If my husband had a food fetish we would probably be able to fix number 2 on this list.

7. My dreams are crazy. Sometimes I think someone slipped me some acid. I have the most realistic nightmares, sex dreams ( involving people like Conan O' Brien... ewww), being attacked by monster animals, having my baby anywhere but the hospital and the list goes on and on.

8. I am lacking in the hygiene department. I let my hair get greasy ( which happens really fast when your pregnant), I wear the same clothes two days in a row, I only shave my legs when they finally start to itch and look black from all the hair and sometimes I wait till about 2:00 to finally brush my teeth ( I tell no lies). At least I haven't wore the same underwear two days in a row. I do still have 9 weeks though...

9. I have a weapon that should be used to fight wars and end crime. We could finally have world peace. That weapon is gas. My farts are excruciatingly painful to my husband and could burn the hair in your nostrils. It doesn't matter what I eat, you would think I eat Mexican food on a daily basis.

10.I get out of breath just by changing the channel on the TV with the remote. I dread the stairs. I am so happy I only have 3 steps to my downstairs bc I would never get laundry done if there were more. I sound like a wheezing child who is having an asthma attack when I do anything strenuous. By strenuous I mean loading the dishwasher.

11. Ugh...migraines No need to explain this one.

12. I have lost my ankles and I am not sure where to start looking


13. Stretch marks are not pretty, you are in denial if you think that just bc you got them while pregnant then they are beautiful. Theres nothing pretty about red stretched skin on what will be a flabby platform after the baby arrives.

14. When people see a pregnant woman they assume that she would like to here that you were in labor for 40 hours, or that you tore all the way to your butthole, or how sex has never been the same since, or that the epidural didn't work and you were in the worst pain of your life, or how you pooped on the table. I would rather not know nor do I care!!

15. Yahoo is a pregnant girls best friend. I don't know how many times I have used it to give me an answer to the problems that are occurring. I have thought a million times I was already in labor or that I was developing some severe problem. Hey I am just being on the safe side!

16. My hormones are prepared for battle & they will not lose so watch out.

17. I don't know what its like to have a social life. I stay in the house as much as possible and only see the sun to check the mail or take the dog outside. I am asleep by 9 or 10 and I sleep in as long as possible. Sometimes I turn down offers to do something bc I am too lazy to get ready!!

18. Not only is my belly growing, but so is everything else. My butt, arms,thighs, feet, face everything has gotten so much bigger. From a distance I look like an obese penguin ( bc of the waddling) This must be the reason I am off balanced.

19. No matter what I eat I am hungry in 30 minutes. I believe that taco bell and burger king make commercials just for me. I am obsessed with food and I actually think I have fallen in love with certain types of foods.

20. I have a super sniff that is out of this world! I smell everything whether its food in the fridge, the garbage, the cat or dog, and sometimes I think I make smells up. I am constantly yelling at Tim telling him to clean something bc its made me sick.


I hope you all got a good laugh at the things that have been happening to be in the past 31 weeks. I am sure when its all over with I will laugh too.

Shannan

31 Weeks: Baby Registry Stalker

So my baby shower is about 2 weeks away. I am so excited and I wish it would just get here already!! I have been a little nervous that I wont get what I need and that we will be spending a fortune on baby stuff.


So I registered at 2 different places walmart and target. I didn't register for much just what we really needed and a couple extras. I decided to just look up my registry and see what I registered for bc I kind of forgot. When I logged in I felt so guilty bc I saw that people already bought me stuff. Not as much as I would have liked only like 3 things or so. It still was an adrenaline rush. I am officially a stalker when it comes to my registry. I check it day and night and still now changes and sometimes I get really sad! I hope people do buy from my registry bc that's the stuff we want and need. I get so irritated when people just buy what they think I want and they are so wrong!!


Technically this stuff isn't for me, its for Carson so I am not ruining any surprises....
So I have 2 weeks till my baby shower and not much is bought I am getting a little worried!! I think that its times like this when you see who your true friends are. I am not a bitch at all. I am a very loving person, I am always at housewarming parties, bridal showers, baby showers, anything I am invited to I go to and I always buy great gifts. I pride myself in being the best gift giver!! So if my friends and family don't show up for my shower they will be in some serious trouble!! I know its horrible to think like this, I expect all of them to show up. I can't help it I am having these crazy hormone fits and all I do is bitch about what might happen.

Not too much longer and I wont have to worry about all of this stuff! My baby boy will be here before I know it. I am feeling more pregnant than ever and my mood swings, cravings and crying fits are getting worse every day.

I decided to make beef chow mien the other day. I was at walmart buying my grocery's and I tried to get ahold of my grandma to get the recipe, but she wasn't answering her phone. So I just bought the premade chow mien thinking it would be good. I even got some egg rolls. Well I started to cooking and it really didn't smell good. I figured it was my pregnancy nose bc smells are alot different to me now.I realized I didn't have any noodles!! So I improvised and made some ramen noodles and just mixed it all together. I thought it looked good...then I took a bite and immediately became sick to my stomach. I still sat it on the table hoping my husband would like it bc I tend to make bad dinners so I hate it when he doesn't like my meals. He couldn't eat it either and we ended up eating pizza...Well I was so upset that my chow mien sucked and I cried like a little baby. I mean I was bawling and I couldn't calm down even when my husband was enjoying his pizza. Its funny to look back on now. I just cant believe how emotional I got over some nasty chow mien


Pregnancy sure is fun!

Shannan