Remember that in my profile I said this was an uncensored blog. I wasn't lying. I just finally found the things I would talk about that I would make uncensored! So here we go
1. I am constantly peeing and I am pretty sure I have peed my pants a couple times in the 31 weeks i've been pregnant. Sometimes I cant even tell if I have to pee and when I laugh to hard I kind of just "leak out". I am not ashamed bc there is really nothing I can do about it and I am sure that I will do it again before my 9 weeks are up! ( for everyone that hasn't experienced pregnancy before don't worry bc this is something that just started recently and I am pretty sure its just bc my little boy is sitting right on my bladder just kicking away. There may be hope for you to keep your panties dry!)
2. Sex....whats that again? Sex happens around here almost as much as someone wins the lottery. It doesn't happen very often that's for sure! I wish that I could say that we have hot, steamy, sexy, passionate sex every single night, but that would be a huge lie.
3.Laziness has become my middle name. But so has sleep, nap, do-nothing, relax, and chill out.
4.Most maternity clothes are as flattering as me wearing a Snuggie everywhere I go. ( I understand theres alot of cute clothes out there, but I have a baby to spend money on so my wardrobe is lacking)
5.I have pimples everywhere. They only come out when its time for me to finally get out of the house and when they do its like I am 15 years old again! I have pimples on my chest, back, face, neck. I probably have them on my butt cheeks but I cant see to even notice if I do or not.
6.I have noticed that my pretty pink nipples now resemble pepperoni slices. If my husband had a food fetish we would probably be able to fix number 2 on this list.
7. My dreams are crazy. Sometimes I think someone slipped me some acid. I have the most realistic nightmares, sex dreams ( involving people like Conan O' Brien... ewww), being attacked by monster animals, having my baby anywhere but the hospital and the list goes on and on.
8. I am lacking in the hygiene department. I let my hair get greasy ( which happens really fast when your pregnant), I wear the same clothes two days in a row, I only shave my legs when they finally start to itch and look black from all the hair and sometimes I wait till about 2:00 to finally brush my teeth ( I tell no lies). At least I haven't wore the same underwear two days in a row. I do still have 9 weeks though...
9. I have a weapon that should be used to fight wars and end crime. We could finally have world peace. That weapon is gas. My farts are excruciatingly painful to my husband and could burn the hair in your nostrils. It doesn't matter what I eat, you would think I eat Mexican food on a daily basis.
10.I get out of breath just by changing the channel on the TV with the remote. I dread the stairs. I am so happy I only have 3 steps to my downstairs bc I would never get laundry done if there were more. I sound like a wheezing child who is having an asthma attack when I do anything strenuous. By strenuous I mean loading the dishwasher.
11. Ugh...migraines No need to explain this one.
12. I have lost my ankles and I am not sure where to start looking
13. Stretch marks are not pretty, you are in denial if you think that just bc you got them while pregnant then they are beautiful. Theres nothing pretty about red stretched skin on what will be a flabby platform after the baby arrives.
14. When people see a pregnant woman they assume that she would like to here that you were in labor for 40 hours, or that you tore all the way to your butthole, or how sex has never been the same since, or that the epidural didn't work and you were in the worst pain of your life, or how you pooped on the table. I would rather not know nor do I care!!
15. Yahoo is a pregnant girls best friend. I don't know how many times I have used it to give me an answer to the problems that are occurring. I have thought a million times I was already in labor or that I was developing some severe problem. Hey I am just being on the safe side!
16. My hormones are prepared for battle & they will not lose so watch out.
17. I don't know what its like to have a social life. I stay in the house as much as possible and only see the sun to check the mail or take the dog outside. I am asleep by 9 or 10 and I sleep in as long as possible. Sometimes I turn down offers to do something bc I am too lazy to get ready!!
18. Not only is my belly growing, but so is everything else. My butt, arms,thighs, feet, face everything has gotten so much bigger. From a distance I look like an obese penguin ( bc of the waddling) This must be the reason I am off balanced.
19. No matter what I eat I am hungry in 30 minutes. I believe that taco bell and burger king make commercials just for me. I am obsessed with food and I actually think I have fallen in love with certain types of foods.
20. I have a super sniff that is out of this world! I smell everything whether its food in the fridge, the garbage, the cat or dog, and sometimes I think I make smells up. I am constantly yelling at Tim telling him to clean something bc its made me sick.
I hope you all got a good laugh at the things that have been happening to be in the past 31 weeks. I am sure when its all over with I will laugh too.
Shannan
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