Renaming Pregnancy Terms

The last 8 months I have been trying to educate myself on my pregnancy and labor itself. I have read a ton of books and researched just about everything there is to know! Now that I am nearing the end of my pregnancy my books have become a little more detailed and somewhat gross. I have learned some new terms that I would have preferred never learning or hearing! The scariest part about learning these new terms is the fact that it will most likely happen to me! So for the sake of the last month in a half of my pregnancy I will be renaming them. I know Tim would appreciate this!!





Gross Pregnancy Term to ban #1



The Bloody Show



This term really freaked me out! I hate the sight of blood and thinking of having a "Bloody Show" terrifies me! Now if you have no clue what the bloody show is I can explain a little, but if you want the proper explanation then google it. It is suppose to be a small amount of blood that comes out of the vagina and is a sign that labor is going to start soon. The reason this happen is for the vagina to change shape and make room for the mucous plug to fall out ( I will get to that later). Now when they say "small amount" I am wondering how small of an amount we are talking here. It couldn't be that small if its considered a show!



If I wanted to see a bloody show I would rent a scary movie! When I think of the "bloody show" I imagine a pool of blood and I see Tim screaming and running for gloves, towels, buckets and mops. So I decided to rename this lovely term to "Red Light" Because you have to stop at the red light and be cautious before you proceed. I would much rather yell " Tim I think we have a red light, lets call the Dr."





Gross Pregnancy Term to Ban #2







The Mucous Plug




I have had some pretty gross mental pictures of this so called Mucous plug and it makes me gag everytime! So after the "Red Light" occurs the mucous plug will just fall out I guess and then there is nothing stopping the baby from making his way down the hole.



I get a really disgusting mental picture when I think of this mucous plug I imagine getting out of the shower and just seeing this bloody green ball of slime just plop out of my vagina and kind of jump around the house. Like Flubber (remember that Robin Williams movie?) except with the blood. I then see Tim chasing the plug around the house until he finally is able to get it out the door! Yes I imagine my mucous plug to unplug itself and run away! I know I have a great imagination.



So I have renamed this to be called "The Internal Cork" bc when I think of a cork I see wine,champagne and think of party's and celebrations! It wont sound so gross when I yell "Tim, my internal cork just popped, lets get this party started!!"





Gross Pregnancy Term to Ban #3



Lightening crotch



Now I am not sure if anyone has experienced this, I have already had the pleasure and it really feels uncomfortable. I would describe it as an electrocuting feeling in the crotch area. I am not really sure why we get this. I have heard that it is your body preparing for the baby to come out. I don't really go around saying "ouch that darn lightening crotch" I do however say "damn my vagina hurts!" I know that if I would use the term tim would get the mental imagine of my vagina being hooked up to jumper cables that are attached to a car battery. You get the idea. Nobody likes to think of there private parts being tortured like that.



So from now on I will call this "Pregnant Tingles" even though it hurts It sounds like a pleasant thing. When I tell Tim I am getting the pregnant tingles again I can imagine him saying "Oh boy pregnant tingles, that's just another sign baby Carson is on his way!"



Pregnant tingles sounds very happy. I like happy terms! So throughout my pregnancy I will use the happy terms and try to forget that even though I changed the terms to something a little less gross they will probably still be gross and there is nothing I can do about it!!



My due date keeps getting closer by the minute and we are really getting the ball rolling on all the last minute things to do before Carson is here! So I will be pretty busy the next couple weeks! Sitting on the couch telling Tim what to do is exhausting!

Shannan